i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
