Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
