I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
