I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
