come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
