but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
