The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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