so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize