Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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