ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
