I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
