took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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