So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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