I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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