I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
