I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why do cheetos always look like penises
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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