I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just invented taco cereal.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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