Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize