I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
