Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
