Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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