I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
