just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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