Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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