Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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