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I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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