then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.