Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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(202): the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning http://tfl.nu/vrio

Replies (6) Good night (804) Bad night (2091)
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(607): View more from New York

It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.

(1-607): View more from New York

I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey

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(607): It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit. (1-607): I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey http://tfl.nu/q7g1

Replies (16) Good night (2875) Bad night (824)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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(920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5

Replies (26) Good night (1853) Bad night (7399)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.

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(440): Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet. http://tfl.nu/2c2c

Replies (10) Good night (3572) Bad night (1132)
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(540): View more from Virginia

What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

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(540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih

Replies (24) Good night (1372) Bad night (4058)
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(630): View more from Illinois

She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor

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(630): She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor http://tfl.nu/iwft

Replies (7) Good night (2240) Bad night (1085)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

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(630): I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS http://tfl.nu/zymg

Replies (7) Good night (2465) Bad night (723)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be

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(717): We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be http://tfl.nu/zpkd

Replies (0) Good night (1251) Bad night (655)
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(909): View more from California

If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

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(909): If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis http://tfl.nu/ldcq

Replies (2) Good night (1812) Bad night (699)
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(207): View more from Maine

It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.

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(207): It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast. http://tfl.nu/cal2

Replies (8) Good night (1052) Bad night (530)
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(619): View more from California

THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS

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(619): THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS http://tfl.nu/bchm

Replies (11) Good night (1624) Bad night (595)
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(360): View more from Washington

And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things

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(360): And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things http://tfl.nu/rkjt

Replies (5) Good night (953) Bad night (457)
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(847): View more from Illinois

As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.

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(847): As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from. http://tfl.nu/gvun

Replies (0) Good night (639) Bad night (318)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.

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(732): I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere. http://tfl.nu/0401

Replies (2) Good night (848) Bad night (219)
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(530): View more from California

There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.

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(530): There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect. http://tfl.nu/w4ev

Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (191)

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