white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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