My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
