do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
