if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
its liver damage thursday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
