apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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