how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.