I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.