he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.