After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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