i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Randomize
