There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
