Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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