it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
