u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
