Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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