she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
