a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
