Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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