im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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