I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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