trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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