I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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