dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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