Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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