it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
