Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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