The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
should my penis look like a turkey
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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