put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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