glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my phone needs a breathalizer
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
