Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
