omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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