My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
