I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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