dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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