i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
