so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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