Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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