btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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