I want to have your abortion
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
