Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
