i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
