She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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