They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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