ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
