Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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