Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
