u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
