Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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