So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
