id be glad to
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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